Seeing 2020

I can’t believe it’s been 5 years (almost to the day) since the last time I wrote a blog post. So much has happened during our time here in Arkansas. Job growth with Kyle, building a new house next to Nana and Papa, moving into that new house, 70 lb weight loss, becoming an IdealShape ambassador thanks to my weight loss using their products, taking 3rd place and winning $500 in their Ship Shape contest and the unforgettable trip to Utah to meet the wonderful people behind the products, serving in YW presidency and Kyle in the Bishopric, 3 half marathons, discovering a love for running, getting a dog, getting chickens, owning and teaching for my own small tumbling business,, going on a family Disney cruise, going on a 15 year anniversary couple cruise, getting called as primary president, trips to Idaho, and so many memories have been made in the past 5 years! It’s been a whirlwind, and here we are going into a New Year and I find myself feeling overwhelmed and slightly stressed. Chloe will be starting. kindergarten this year which means that for the first time in over 13 years I won’t have kids at home during the day. I never really thought this day would come, I would look at other moms in this stage of life and have mixed feelings of sadness and a little jealousy. I didn’t want that day to come in many ways. I love being a stay at home mom, I love my young, sweet children, and I’m not ready to be in that stage of life and say goodbye to their innocence and goodness. It makes me teary  just writing this and thinking that  I won’t have a baby in the home anymore, I won’t have diapers to change, raspberries to blow on baby soft bellies, soft downy hair to kiss on a sweet smelling baby head, and squishy warm small bodies to snuggle during the day. I know this stage of life had to end sometime, and some days I am so ready for it to be over but some days my stomach does flips and my heart aches and my eyes swell with tears thinking about how my babies are all growing up. This year is a little scary for me with a Chloe starting school. I have no excuse to not go back to school either and while I have always wanted to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse, I’m so scared! I’ve been out of school for so long, I’m worried I have forgotten how to learn, I’m worried that I won’t be able to be present for my children and my family, that the 2 year sacrifice will cause long term detriment to my children. Mostly I’m worried I will fail. I’m worried it will be too hard and I won’t be able to do it. I have always had a massive fear of failure and this tops the chart on that meter. I definitely worry I won’t be able to juggle it all. I’ve already told Kyle that I will have to quit teaching tumbling. I need to take something off my list of responsibilities. I’m hoping that he will get a promotion before that time so that I won’t feel guilty not contributing that income. If he got a promotion, that would more than cover what I am bringing in  with tumbling so I’m really praying that will be something that will happen for us this year. I am really just grateful for Kyle’s job. I know it’s not really something he’s passionate about or loves doing, but Walmart/Sam’s Club has been an incredible company to work for. They’ve taken great care of us and we’ve been able to live beautifully over the past 7 years we’ve been here. I feel very blessed with where our life has been and how far we’ve come. We’ve learned some tough lessons on the way, but we are stronger than ever and truly happy. Here’s to big wonderful things happen wing in 2020 starting with a family reunion cruise to the western Caribbean in a week and a half!! So excited!!